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How do you balance loyalty to yourself and loyalty to the company you work for?

This might seem like an odd question, but it’s an important component of work/life balance many of us just don’t think about any longer because, as Pete Davis says in Dedicated, we live in a world of infinite browsing. We’re afraid of sticking to one thing because it might reduce our future options. If we dedicate ourselves to something bigger than ourselves, then we might lose control of our direction. In particular, we should not dedicate ourselves to any single company, especially for too long. As a recent (excellent!) blog post over at the ACM says:

Loyalty is generally a good trait, but extreme loyalty to the organization or mission may cause you to stay in the same job for too long.

The idea that we should control our own destiny, never getting lost in anything larger than ourselves, is ubitiquos like water is to a fish. We don’t question it. We don’t argue. It is just true. We assume there are three people who are going to look after “me:” me, myself, and I.

I get it. Honestly, I do. I’ve been there more times than I want to think about. I was the scapegoat in an argument between people far above my pay grade early in my career, causing much angst and pain. I’ve been laid off,—I cared about a company that simply didn’t care about me. Most recently, the family I’d dedicated more than twenty years of my life to ended through a divorce.

I can see why you might ask yourself hard questions about dedicating yourself to anything or anyone.

The problem, as Pete Davis points out, is that the human person was not designed for the kind of digital nomad life represented by the phrase “live for yourself.” We can try to substitute an online community. We can try to replace community with a string of novel experiences. But the truth is it will eventually catch up with you. When you’re young it’s hard to see how it will ever catch up with you, but it will.

Returning to the top—the author of the ACM article advises balancing between dedicating yourself to a company and dedicating yourself to your career. This is wise advice, but it leaves me wondering “how?” Let me lay out some thoughts here. They may not be all of the answer, but they will, I hope, point in the right direction.

First, resist seeing these two choices as orthogonal. They might be at odds in some companies—there are publishers who want your content to build their brand, and they specifically work at preventing you from building your brand. There are companies that explicitly want to own “your whole professional life.” They don’t want you blogging, going to conferences to speak, etc. Avoid these companies.

Instead, find companies that understand your personal brand is an asset to the company. Having a lot of people with strong personal brands in a company makes the company stronger, not weaker. People with strong brands will form communities around themselves. This community is a pool of people from which to recruit top-flight talent. This community allows them to collect new ideas that can be directly applied to problems in the organization. People with strong personal brands will have greater influence when they walk into a room to meet with a customer, a supplier, or just about anyone else. A company full of people with strong personal brands is stronger than one where everyone is faceless, consumed by/hiding behind the company logo.

Second, learn to manage your time effectively. I understand it’s possible to spend so much time building your brand that you don’t get your job done. As an individual, you need to be sensitive to this and learn how to manage your time effectively.

Third, seek out the win/win. Don’t think of every situation through the lens of “it’s either my brand or my employer’s.” There may be times when you cannot do something because, while it would help your brand immensely, it would harm your company’s. There may be times where you need to have a delicate discussion with your manager because you’ve been asked to do something that would be great for the company but would harm your brand. There is almost always a win/win, you just have to find it.

Fourth, seek out a community that’s not attached to work and dedicate yourself to it. Find something larger than yourself. A community that’s not tied to work will be your lifeline when things go wrong.

Finally, expect to get hurt. I know I have (an old saying in my community—never trust a man who doesn’t walk with a limp). You can be the nicest, humblest person in the world. Someone is still going to take advantage of you. In fact, the nicer and humbler you are—the more you care, the more likely it is people are going to take advantage of you. I am amazed at how much people seem to enjoy hurting one another when they believe there won’t be any consequences.

But … if you expect your life to be perfect, you were born in the wrong world. Build up the mental reserves to deal with this. Build a community that will help carry you through. There is nothing better than sitting down and sharing your hurt over a cup of coffee with a good friend (except I don’t drink coffee).

I get it—the world has moved into a YOLO/FOMO phase. If you don’t “grab it,” and right now! you risk missing something really important. We pile up alternative possibilities in our minds, wondering what might have happened if we’d chosen otherwise. We have deep angst over our personal brand, overthinking the concept to the point of diminishing returns.

The solution, though, is not to draw into yourself, to become self-centered. The solution is to find the balance, seek the win/win, dedicate yourself to something bigger than yourself, and find the right way to build your personal brand.